Was a time when the Pub was a 'Haven of Tranquility' far from the cares of the working day and the evenings of domestic 'bliss'. Now, they just seem to be places where you go to get drunk/laid/punched (not necessarily in that order). This song (of Miles Wooton) just about sums it up. The tread about beers brought it to mind.
Early one Evening (Public Bar)
Early one evening just as the pubs were opening A traveller came a walking down a quiet country street. He saw the door ajar, entered the Public Bar 'Landlord, I would have a pint and something nice to eat.
I fancy some crusty bread and the roast beef of Olde England, Butter from the churn and tangy home-made pickle too - And if you think you could draw some bitter from the wood I'd be quite inclined to have a foaming pint or two.
I'll sit by your open fire and contemplate infinity The quiet of your hostelry will creep into my heart. And if a Regular should chance into the bar Maybe I'll engage him in a contest with the darts.'
'Come in' said the Landlord 'We've got frozen fishpaste sandwiches, Or Savoury Soya Substitute I purchase by the ton And if you fancy it, I might defrost a bit And smother it in ketchup in a supermarket bun
I'll sling you a plastic pot of 'Super Sparkling Ready-brew' As advertised on telly by a famous Rugby Scrum No filthy barrels here - we serve hygenic beer Safely paralysed inside an aluminium drum
Sit down by the fire sport, I'll switch the bars on right away Or maybe you'd prefer to play my brand new Fruit Machine 3 Cherries in a row - that'll set your heart aglow. Tonight's the Karaoke - that'll really set the scene.'
The traveller sat down beside the polystyrene corner nook, The plastic leaves a-trembling to the electronic roar Took a bite and then a chew - took a sip of 'Ready-brew' Then gave a ghastly gurgle - and fell dead upon the floor!
'Oh dear!' said the Landlord, as he switched the coloured telly on, 'Another fatal accident the 3rd this week I fear If they can't hold their own, why don't they stay at home? My God, we don't half get some funny customers in here